Never can you begin to Understand / Katie Tolliver (Sister)
It is all so crazy still, all so very fresh in my mind. They say it gets easier.....I dont believe that. I have days that I find comfort in the love we had, but there are still so many days I continue to ask "Why?" Days when I ask, "What could I have done differently?" I never find the answer, so I walk along quietly and think about YOU. Two years, seems as much as things have changed, they have remained the same. Pops misses you so much, being home plays back so many memories in his mind. I have yet to figure out, Jim, why and how we are so much alike? I hurt for him, funny huh? After all the past is just that. I hope you are happy with the ideas that Jon and I have for the house, it was suppose to be your house, I want to make it a comfortable place for you to rest your soul. I want you to come and know that NEVER again will you have to do anything, but just be happy....gosh, How I so pray that you are happy where you are. I talk to Chris on occasion, he sounds as if it's TIME, or should I say he's ready, ready to be responsible for himself. I know you must smile upon him, when he truly handles his business. At times he remains lost without your presence, but I cant judge him for that, I too feel so very lost without you, alot of the time. Cyla's getting big, she's so smart. Kev's got a baby boy now...so now it's a great niece and nephew... he looks like the Gaudreau's as I'm sure you've seen, he's got the forehead that's forsure, LOL. I havent talk to your mom as often as I was, been busy with the move and all, although I know that's no excuse. When we do talk she sounds content with her life. I'm happy for her. Meme, she's Meme, she's gonna outlive us all you know *SMILE* One day I'm scared to death she'll be gone and then the next day I talk to her, she sounds wonderful. She still says she "cant wait to go on that ride with you in the Gold Corvette you promised". Well baby boy, time to take care of Pops. I so respect and admire you for all that you are and all that you have done. Take care of you, till I get where you are. Smile on us all, we all could sure use the blessings. I miss you, I miss you so very much!! See you on the otherside, one day soon. Bigger than the SKY!!!!! Your Sister, Katie
There is a black hole / Katie (Sister)
There is such an emply place in my heart. I have searched for almost 2 years now and tried to find something/anything to fill the void that has been left here. I Love You and I Believe that we will share our time again together, but it's the here and now that I find so difficult. I miss the sound of your voice, the laughter and music, it's all gone. You answer my questions, you give your opinion, but it's only in my mind, and then I begin to question is it really you??? Never in my life did I think I would live without you...... Now I must deal with something I never planned for, never even thought about. I'm am just so frustrated all the time when it comes to family issues/decesions I must make without you. I want to know I am doing the right thing, I need your reassurance. I know the saying "well life's not fair" but this isnt just about my life, it's about our father as well. I dont know, I just dont know....... Well, Meme' is fading, of course I know that the time will come soon. She is going to be so happy to see you. She's tired Jim, 93 years tired. You better make sure, your there when she gets there, NO IF ANDS OR BUT!! You hear ME???? Well I gotta go, Pop's is done with breakfast, and I gotta start his day. It'd be real nice, to see you.....*hint* *hint* I Love You!!! Talk to you soon. Bigger than the SKY! Katie Close
Father's Day / Rosemary Sis Of Alvin Cremeans Read >>
Father's Day / Rosemary Sis Of Alvin Cremeans
Wishing Jimmy's Father and brother a peaceful Father's day. love and prayers, Rosemary
Still breathing... / Deena (Heart & Soul )
I can't believe I have to communicate with you this way. I hate this Jim...I hate that the mornings are hard because the cool in the air reminds me of you getting ready for work in the morning. Then I think about what you would be doing this time of the day or which Palm Beach woman did you schmooze over today.
This morning Tuxedo got on the bed and said to him, "Jim would say, "awwoh Tuxedo!" and then I tried to make that little laugh that you would've done and then you'd grab the cat and hug him. I didn't grab, I just petted him and said, "That's what Jim would say."
When I look at the damn fish, I think of "snapperhead # 1, 2 ... When I see the crawfish at the fish store, I think of Lucy #1, 2, 3 ... When I had the allergic reaction to the shrimp last weekend, I looked at my swollen face and all I could think was, "Oh Jim would not like it if I were allergic to shellfish."
I wish you were here so I could admire those little things about you and keep them in my heart with a smile...not to be haunted by them. The hormones make it worse and then I just cry all weekend. This is so not fair, Jim! This is so not fair! I think you have taken over my brain ... mission accomplished ... LOL.
Then I think of all those young ladies who are just married and their husbands are overseas, at war (if you can call it that). The fear they must have ... I would've taken you to Canada. Even when you were thinking of signing up after 9-11 I said, "joining the military now would be a rash decision...AND I don't want you to go to war."
Fate deals a cruel hand and yet I am so blessedin this life. And still, I am simply mindless, overly emotional, in hidden dispair a decaying body with a lifeless spirt, its soul eager for escap. " I am a true blonde now ... right! I am lost with no purpose without you in my path ... I feel homeless, useless and careless ... I am tired and yet I cannot sleep. My brain hurts and now its numb ... My doctor asked me what my plans for children are... I just cried through the whole damn appointment.
I hope you can see what this has done to me, to us, to everyone whose ever loved you. I hope you can hear me when I am talking to you, when I call you, when I'm mad at you, when I think, "well Jim never would've done that with me." And then I think, "but he did say he'd take ballroom dancing if I wanted too." But of course, we never did. So many things we should've done...like get ourselves a SHRINK ;)
When I say "I love you" ... I'll always love you, Jim. Its all that I still feel. I take you with me through this life... its still the same for me ... come back! There is no joy in this life without you. Please, come back! Close
Heaven/ Angelica Grover (Twinless Twin)
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
An Angel by Your Side / Angelica Grover (Twinless Twin) Read >>
An Angel by Your Side / Angelica Grover (Twinless Twin)
May You Always Have An Angel by Your Side
“May you always have an angel by your side Watching out for you in all things you do Reminding you to keep believing in brighter days Finding ways for your wishes and dreams to come true Giving you hope that is as certain as the sun Giving you the strength of serenity as your guide May you always have love and comfort and courage And may you always have an angel by your side Someone there to catch you if you fall Encouraging your dreams Inspiring your happiness Holding your hand and helping you through it all In all of our days, our lives are always changing Tears come along as well as smiles Along the roads you travel, may the miles be a thousand times more lovely than lonely May they give you gifts that never, ever end: someone wonderful to love and a dear friend in whom you can confide May you have rainbows after every storm May you have hopes to keep you warm And may you always have an angel by your side”
So Damn Mad!!! / Katie (Sister)
Right now I just want to scream, and I just might knowing that you will hear me. Ok, so as if it wasnt bad enough that your physical presence is gone, your not going to come when I ask you to? How shitty is that? I what to thump you upside your head, hard! Why? Why did you NEVER make him go to a doctor? I guess you know now, that some of those falls were strokes. Did you not see the change in him? Jim, I know it wasnt your job to do all that you did for him, but you were the one that was there. You never called and said, "He fell last night and is acting really strange, what should I do?" Now you are gone from this earth, and here I sit writting to you while he sleeps in my dinning room (Somewhere he doesnt want to be). What the hell am I suppose to do? I ask every night for you to visit me so we can decide this together, I dont want to make this decesion on my own. He cant go home and live alone, shit I dont think even Kevin could meet all his needs at this point. He doesnt want to be here. He doesnt realize that going into a nursing home would cost him his home. So WHAT do I do? He wants to see you, he wants to be where you are. He said after surgery that he seen you, you were standing there with a fishing pole and when he tried to come to you, you waved and walked off. You were his best friend, he misses you and now hates this life. I truly believe him being stuck here with me is his penance for his wrong doings, but enough already, he has served them, he has lost EVERYTHING in his life that he has ever loved, lord knows he doesnt love me, he just needs me. I know its not your choice in when he crosses. But what am I to do, here? I have always loved him, no matter our differances, but this has all become so unfair. So I NEED you, I need you to come to me, so we can make a decesion. I need you to go to him and tell him, he is stuck with me as long as he breathes on this earth, and make him accept it. I need you to tell him to grow up! Stop being a selfish jerk and see that he lived his life this way and now these are the choices he has. How do I do this without you? How can I live with the choices I make, if you are not a part of them?
Happy Birthday Jimmy! / Carol Pizzi (Angel Debbie's Mom )
Wishing you a Happy Birthday in Heaven Jimmy. Hope you have a great celebration with all our angels. Thinking of your family today & hoping their memories of you bring them comfort. Carol - Angel Debbie's Mom
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