Tell Her the Truth For Me / Layla Maples (My Bet Friend )
Well, Jimmy... my Sister should be strollin in soon. I know there will be plenty of people there that she will be busy with for a while, but when you can, if you can, maybe you could sit with her and tell her the truth. I know that in the end all the truth comes out anyways. You know me best..of all the loved ones I know that are there...you are the one who really knows me... tell her.
Tell her how I loved her, how I thought of her, how I wished I coulda seen her while I was in TN and what happened that prevented me from doing so. Tell her that she was always in my heart and the love only sisters can share was always there.
Show her how I loved her and all the rest of em even if it was from a forced distance. The dysfunction between all of our parents has played a huge seperational part on our family. Tell her, show her, how much that has hurt me over these years.. How much it hurts now.
She's gone, and there's no good reason for it. I look at your memorial site, and am aware that this pain goes nowhere over time. Time is not on our side in situations like this, and it does not heal all wounds.
She was the "Baby" of that side of the family, and I've been so worried about the "Baby" from my side of the family... my lil brother Tyler as he's been in afghanistan. All this time worried to lose such a precious member of the family.. only to wake up one day and find that the "Baby" is gone.... only it's not the one that anyone was ready for. So unexpected.
Reality has a hard time operating around these kinds of things.
Gone, is really just a word that means nothing when you know that the presence of her.... and you... are very much still here....
If you get a chance, show her the ropes, tell her the truth, and make sure she knows I love her, and the rest of this crazy family that we emanated from...
And if Tyler comes knockin on that door... you just tell him right where to go and to get his ass back home... he can't leave us with no "baby" of the family... I don't care if it takes every angel in heaven, and all their friends to keep him alive and out of harms way for the next five years over there in afghanistan.... raise heaven! I'll know you did it if he makes it home, if not... you and me my friend... we're gonna have words when I get home!
Til then... just show my lil sis what I was all about... and how to reach out to her family... show us all how to reach back... I try to keep the lines open, and I know that if I'm feelin all crappy it's hard for you all to get through to us dense humans... so, I'll do my part as best as I can... Leave my heart open, troubles light, and Love LARGE... you do your thing... and I know I haven't seen the last of you my friend
I love you more than you could imagine... everyday more than the day before... you better be keepin that stuff in a jar and bury it in your backyard! Seems to me the only form of currency (the only thing that's worth anything in heaven) is LOVE. I'll be sendin it daily, you should never run out! Too many people down here send you lots of love! We know you send yours back.... too bad this reality doesn't function like that... if it did we'd all have enough...of everything!
"Yes SIR.... I'll take that house, this car, that dog, do "this" for society cause it's what i love to do, and yah, fill the fridge... that should be good for now....no, wait, I'd like to have a few friends back, and more lil sisters.... sure I'll sign.... "I will love all the above" Layla Maples. Transaction Complete
Maybe in your world, huh? Can't wait to get THERE!!!!!!!!!!!
Just not sure.....(NO KIDS) / Katie (Sister)Read >>
Just not sure.....(NO KIDS) / Katie (Sister)
I just wanna scream right now at the top of my lungs....Jim, I cant do this no more... I am so tired of dealing with all the pain and death, WTF????? Not only am I now left to have to take care of Dad, with not a ounce of help from anyone...for none seem to beable to forgive or forget the past...but now Meme'. I didnt sign up for this fucking job, you know? and I sure the hell dont remember asking you to leave it to me. I dont know where the hell I'm suppose to be, I dont know what hell I'm suppose to do, and I sure dont know where the moneys suppose to come from even if I could. She's dying Jim... she all alone and she's dying!!!!!!!! I cant go to her without taking Dad.... I dont have the money for all that.... I cant leave him here, because I dont have the money for that either....Just what the fuck and I suppose to do???? I know you'll be there waiting...but what about today?? What about right now?? My heart hurts so fucking bad!!! I feel like total "bucket of shit". Our grandmother is laying on her death bed...she's all alone and there's not one solution I can come up with to be with her. Dad wants to be there for his mother, and I understand...Bud Damn IT, it was him that has caused this situaton to be the way it is.....ya know if he would of took one less trip to Costa Rica...one less bottle, one less drunken stupper than maybe just maybe, I could of worked it all out. But of couse we all know that "ifs" dont solve a fucking thing. So here I sit at 4am waiting for the phone call ...waiting for them to tell me my grandmother has died and gonna to be with you. Not there hold her hand, telling her how much she means to me, and how grateful I am for her... here, in FL... with Poppa sleeping in his bed, feeling like shit because of all his past mistakes because he is now sober... and there she is fighting for every last minute she has on this earth...FUCKING ALL ALONE. Jim, man I really need you to come talk to me.... to help me through this, cause I dont really know how to do this anymore..... I dont know man... I hope you can see this, I hope you have some answers, cause it's killing me inside. Pennies from heaven in the 24 hours would be awesome, ya think you could work something like that out??? Come on Jim, tell me something, show me something,,,, cause I have feeling this is going to haunt me for along time. God, Snappa, I so wish you were here so we could do this together.... If I just had your shoulder to lean on, it might make things just a bit easier, ya know???? I know you love her, and I know your waiting in that gold corvette, just to see her smile, Jim, when she gets there... please tell her I'm sorry i could be there for her in the end, tell her I'm sorry for being such a "bucket of shit" and I LOVE HER, BIGGER THAN THE SKY!! Please, Please make sure she know that????? I Love You, and I miss you so much. Good Night Jimmy Bobo!! Sweet Dream,
Feb. 5th. / Katie (Sister)
Morning Sunshine....followed by a Happy Birthday song of some strange manner...that's what I am wishing I could call and say to you. But because I am writing here we all know that is not possible. Why wont it sink in?? Why cant we just accept things for the way they are?? I dont think I dwell in your passing, but there is not a day that goes by that I dont think of you in some way. Maybe, accept wasnt the right word either, but I spend so much time questioning Why? What on Earth has your moving on taught me?? I cant find one single answer....people say "well it's brought you and your Dad closer together" I dont think that's it!! I dont think you should be required to loose someone you love, to love another.... Just cant seem to fit that idea into the grand scale of things. I want to scream from the mountain tops how much I miss YOU!!!!
Jim...... I hope that your travels are more than you ever dreamed of. I pray that you have found the greatest peace within yourself. I long to know that you feel the love that generates from here on earth for you. I dream of a time when we will sit and talk again. Most of all, I Love YOU, Lil Brother, Bigger than the SKY!!!
Forever your Big Sister, Me
ps: Happy Day to you....I suppose it would be one of reflection for you of your earthly life. Close
Angel Quote / Angelica Grover (Twinless Twin)
Make yourself familiar with the angels and behold them frequently in spirit; for without being seen, they are present with you. St. Francis De Sales
VM this is my first time going to your page myself, and i couldn't hold back the tears!! they weren't all because i was sad...it was remembering the happy times and how we grew even closer once i got older!
remembering the phone calls at 2 or 5 in the morning while i was in college...when u would call and rap for me...lol! remembering being 7 and brushing our teeth together in the bathroom, and me always being jealous your hair was prettier than mine...sitting and eating peanuts listen to your music and watching videos of you playing in bars when we lived in wv...what were u 17 and people loved you! when u came to pa i can remember running from my friends house to home when my mom said you were there!
just wanted to say that i miss you and i love you! you'll always be in my heart!!
Had a moment to write to you so I thought I would take advantage of the opportunity.
I know you can see all that goes on, but it helps me a lil bit more if I can sorta talk to you about things. Well Dad's home, he's gettin slower all the time. It's really a hard thing to do, ya know?? watchin him grow older all the time. He has come so far since his stroke but at the same time has begun to fade so fast. The new doctors say he has altimerez (sp?), I'm not sure that's what I believe it is... I think it may just be to many drunken stuppers in the past. He seems happy for the most part. He misses you like crazy and is so ready to find you in the next realm. I've put the house up for sale, I tried Jim, I really really tried to keep it, but it just needs so much work, so much more than I can do or afford. I'm not sure it will even sell...things are bad here on earth for everyone financially, and the place is just simply a mess. I'm doing the best I can to try to make sure things are done right...it's just so damn hard sometimes.
Well your visit in my dream the other night was awesome. I so didnt want to wake up, chillin with you was the best. Funny you promised in the dream you wouldnt leave and would be there when I got back, but I woke up before I had the chance to see you again. I miss you, Snappa. I so hope the promise means that you havent left and your still with me all the time. I know that your memories and the love I feel for you is still the same, but I'm praying it's more than that!!
Well you nephew and niece are good, both busy with adult life and being parents....oh yea, Crystals having a baby, just in case you missed that update, LOL. Yet again you will be another GREAT Uncle....Cyla, calls you Angel Jim instead of Uncle Jim, which dad thinks is just so sweet, he gets a tear in his eye everytime she says it.
Tell Katie that Chris' head smells just like yours ... for when she needs a reminder. Terrible to use Chris in that way but its true and I told him so. Its funny because I know Amy doesn't smell like me, especially her head, LOL. But you and Chris and probably Jason too have that in common ... I am sure you don't want to hear that.
I wish your smile, your touch, your laugh, your eyes, your facial expressions, your sound were as available ... quite simply I wish you were still in human form as you will never be replacable.
Another thing you can tell her is that when I wake up in the night and my light is on, I am so sure its you that I say, "Jim, turn the light off please" and roll over. I wake the next morning and the light is off. Tell her its you, Jim ... she needs to hear from you ... don't whisper, shout ... throw something across the room "Jimmy G." style.
I am so looking forward to heaven. I was wondering on my way to work if you wonder the same thing I do ... I say to God, "does Jim hope I'll recognize him as much as I hope he'll recognize me when I get to heaven?" And the answer back was a resounding "yes" and "you both will since you both exist every moment with the other in your hearts." So even when I am mad at you for leaving me, for not thinking of me and everyone else who grieves for you, you still remind me that "you'll always be you and I can't get my money back."
Strange are the various places in this world that still have you in the memory ... its hauntingly empty. I don't wish to find you in the past, simply the present and future will do. For the past is dead and you are not ... not to me, Jim.
I too pretend you are still alive somewhere as if that would be more bareable. It doesn't last long ...
Angels/ Angelica Grover (Twinless Twin)
The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God. ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994
Somedays the tears still flow oh so quickly. Is this it....is this all I have left of the love we have, I sure hope not! Somedays it's still so very hard to try to accept the fact that you are not here. I force myself to believe that there is something after this mortal life, and there we will meet again. I try to find you everywhere.....and make believe that you really are that special star I see, the butterfly that flutters through the yard, the light that I dont remember turning on. They say to grateful for the memories..somedays memories dont seem like enough to heal the empty space in my heart. I so want to hear your voice, hushing all the storms that brew. I want to hug you and remember that smell. I want to see you smile, to remind me that you truly loved life. Time they say heals all wounds, but not with me, not with this.... it only makes it harder to remember, and I dont ever want to forget, not even one hair on your head. I miss you Jim, more than you could of ever imagined, more than I could of ever imagined.
Angels surround us no matter where you go Angels are around us don't you know Angels will be strong for you Angels will belong to you Angels will survive for you and protect you no matter what you do Angels will be there in time of need and angels will never leave as long as you believe.
I dont get it?? / Katie (Sister)
Ok, I really dont get it.....why is Pops such a friggin arse?? Not really with me, but with everyone else. He lives in this frekkin house, HOME where he wanted to be!! Yet, he wont talk to anyone but me, and talks shit on everyone else.....except Jon, of course he just says nothing at all about him or to him. This is unbelieveably frustrating. Then once again there's this house..... what a piece of shit it is!! Nothing works, everything need fixed....trying to do the right thing has proved to be a GREAT BIG mistake!! I sit here and look at your picture and think about how tired you must of been.... you did this for years, and me, well I am already to threw. It's really not the physical part of taking care of him, it's the mental, that's draging me down. Jon, hates here, I'm sure you can see that...... Hard as I try, there is no making anything right with him. I dont really think he's in-love with me anymore, I think he feels more trapped... *shrug*. Well you know me, he really doesnt need to feel that way, if I gotta do it on my own I can. Would it hurt? Hell Ya! Wouldnt be the first time though. Were you ready to go, Jim? Did you know? Did you pick the time? Most of the time I think I know the answers to those questions, and I dont THINK you planned it that way.... but on days like today, I could understand if you did. Sure understand those feelings of despair and left alone in this world, searching for someone to make it better and not finding them. Jim, on the real.... I need you, I need to know your around, I dont like things like this. Oh yea, and lets not forget, Chris, is back in jail....aint that just wonderful. Well I hope you got to be at Crystal's wedding today, I wanted to go so very bad, I guess that would be some of the underlying depression...The fact that my baby girl got married, and I couldnt even be there.... Gonna run, cause I'm starting to cry, which means I'm starting to ramble.
Caught Me / Deena Robyn (Heart & Soul )
Ok, so you know I avoid the radio so the songs don't catch me off guard and leave me in a meloncholy state all day with the chance of loss of emotional control and crying ... but you caught me, at the dentist office ... nothing I could do but listen. These are the songs you played for me ...I love you too, Jim ... "I'm already there ..."
I walked into the office and this song emmediately came on ...
"Landslide" - Fleetwood Mac and I almost asked the office person to if she could turn off the radio ... but that would've been rude.
Then I was getting shot-up with novacane and this song came on ...
"I'm already there" - Lonestar ... and I thought, "I know you are Jim ... in all ways possible."
And then ... "Wonderful Tonight" - Clapton (oh the memories).
I'm not sure why you played the next song except just to make me cry some more ... or that I've always liked it ...
"I Ain't Missing You At All" - John Waite (I forget his band at the time he put that song out).
Another "I'm not sure" other than I like it ... "Because of You" - Kellie Clarkson (this song bares no relevance to us ... but then again I don't think I want to do this again if you know what I mean.)
So I said to you (in my mind), "Ok, if its really you and its not just me wanting to think its you, play something that they would hardly ever play on the radio."
So then they played, "Alone" - Heart ... one of my all time favorite bands ... which you know. Remember when I sang "these dreams" when it came on the radio that night at your great-grandmother's cabin that last July ... out front on the porch, you were so sad for some reason, saying that I was your best friend but not really telling me why you were so sad and then "these dreams" came on and I just did my thing where I just start singing the song ... I guess you noticed. Sometimes it was hard to tell when you'd get so wrapped up in your sorrow.
Then the last song played, "Stayin' Alive" ... ok, so you know I love the Bee Gees ... and you know I contemplated letting my gums get worse at the thought of the possibility of a life-threatening infection. I know its crazy and I wouldn't let that happen if I could help it ... but you know I think about it ... you I think about how long it'll be until I either get to see and be with you again or see and be "nothing at all" (another heart song reference there ... but not intended) ... that's sort of what life is like without you, Jim ... its like "nothing at all" ...
All I can say is "thanks for not playing 'Wish You Were Here'." That would've found me running for the door.
So thank you for reminding me that you see me and are "already there" ... I know you are everything that song suggests ... I know you are with/for me ... eternally. Thank you for the love, Jim ... the most precious gift I could ever know and recieve and reciprocate ... no matter "where" we are.
I know you can read my thoughts ... and how sometimes I think, what if he were alive somewhere and he just showed up one day ... Isn't that rediculous?
So I've got the yarhzeit candle going ... dusk to dusk ... "while my guitar gently weeps" ... never to played again since you were the last and only person to play it.
I love you so much Jim. I wish you could hug me ... what I wouldn't give for a hug, a kiss or just a flash of that beautiful smile ... the sound of your laugh from you ... its a yearning that never ends but as the song goes "one more day, one more time, one more sunset baby, I'd be satisfied, but then again, I know what it would do, leave me wishin' still for one more day with you. "
So I'll just keep wishin', I'll keep looking for you :) This love will never end. I love you, my honey! xoxoxooooxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo Close
Thoughts of you on your angel date. / Jo-Ann Pacenta Lauren's Mom (angelfamilies)Read >>
Thoughts of you on your angel date. / Jo-Ann Pacenta Lauren's Mom (angelfamilies) Close
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NEVER FORGOTTEN
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